Sister Joseph Marie of the Child
JesusSister Joseph Marie of the Child
Jesus
As I reflect upon the seeds of my vocation, I can only say that it was 'His hands that made me and shaped me' by entrusting me to the loving embraces of my family, friends, people I've met, and through events of daily life.
I was born into a communist society but grew up drinking from the fountain of my mother's deep Catholic faith and wisdom. She, the Saints, and especially the Holy Family were my inspirations. The Holy Souls became my dear friends through our family nightly prayers and Rosary. Her persevering prayers, courage, and total abandonment to Divine Providence brought us out of Viet Nam to the Mid-West, for the sole purpose of maintaining our faith. We were among the thousands of 'boat people.' My mom often chanted: 'The devil sifts you like rice' and 'To gain the whole world and lose your soul, what benefit would that be?' These rich experiences and teachings made imprints in the deepest recesses of my heart and kept me thinking often of eternity.
But really...how on earth did I decide to become a nun? Well, the fact that I am now a nun is beyond my comprehension for it's still a mystery and completely the Grace and Will of God. While growing up, I never saw any religious Sister, nor had any revelation or concept of religious life. Besides being mesmerized by the wonderful world of science, I have always loved children. I wanted to be a teacher, missionary, and mother…my aspirations were endless.
Then came the reality and challenges of college life. It was then that the Spirit of God gently touched my heart. I was very inspired by the holy witnesses of Mother Teresa and our Holy Father John Paul II who put so much trust, responsibilities and hope in us young people to build the future; and the joyful presence of many young Vietnamese Sisters and Seminarians. All these ignited in me the flame of service to mankind. Thinking that this 'insane' thought of religious life was an escape from reality, I pursued science. However, the Spirit kept increasing the flame's intensity as the attraction grew stronger each year. But as time went by, the thought seemed so distant from my mind.
It was here in California that I truly discovered the many passions of my life...the beautiful beaches, the mountains, sports, lasting friendships, love, and "The One and Only." I got a good job and within a few years, reached almost to the top of the ladder of success. God continually and patiently whispered in my ears, but the noise of daily life took over and I was lost in the busy and restless world. I soon found every minute of my days filled with meetings, problem solving, socializing, more 'challenges' and of course, more meetings... activities that seemed to crowd out the persistent and small calling of the Lord.
In the words of St. Paul, I boast only in the Lord for all my success and the achievement of the 'American Dream' in a relatively short time. He graciously gave me every good thing in life 'overflowing and without measure,' but I constantly felt the void that seemed like a great abyss. Nothing and no one was able to fill the emptiness. Daily Mass sustained me temporarily and knew I had to do something with my life.
Like St. Augustine, God not only 'called,' but then He 'shouted, and broke through my deafness', and He 'flashed, shone and dispelled my blindness.' I often found myself in tears upon hearing any Gospel passages related to the 'calling', especially the story of the rich young man who refuses to follow Jesus because he has much to give up. I began to have a deep spiritual thirst and yearning to know more about God and deepen my faith, and enjoyed reading spiritual books, quiet time praying and meditating in the early mornings. I started collecting and reading vocation stories, took the vocation quizzes and knew beyond a doubt the 'calling' was very real. The Holy Spirit definitely melted the wax in my heart. I discerned with a few active communities but still found myself not satisfied. But as God closes one door, He opens another. I contacted several contemplative communities and felt very attracted to the Dominicans. A month of aspirancy within the enclosure with its merit and charm confirmed my desire, and I felt very content.
Throughout my confused and rather lengthy discernment journey, I always felt (and still do at times) discouraged at my own unworthiness, sinfulness, fear, and human weaknesses and the thought that some people felt 'called' since childhood or that they never had any doubts about their calling didn't help much. I often ran to our Lady and Jesus for support. He always reassured me through His Living Word that there is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friend; that I am His and He will allure me into the wilderness and speak tenderly to my heart; that I have not chosen Him but it was He who has chosen me; that He will create a clean heart and put a steadfast spirit within me; that all things are vanities; that I need not be afraid but rely on His strength; that all He asks of me is to do good, to love justice, and to walk humbly with Him; and that He will give me a hundred-fold in return for leaving everything to follow Him, and to risk my life with Him for the conversions of those lost souls and of the world. Providentially, almost every time I came to visit the monastery, one of the Sisters' families would be here and I would be invited for ice cream. Seeing how close-knitted they were, and how warm and genuinely 'human' the Nuns are, gave me much hope and courage. On one Sunday October 13th, the anniversary of the miracle of the sun at Fatima, I decided to give my life to our beloved Jesus at Corpus Christi Monastery. I've been joyfully singing the Magnificat with the Virgin Mary each evening, and truly 'From this day all generations will called me blessed.'
The Dominican's charism in following St. Dominic's quest for learning the truth and for ministering to souls attracted me very much. I received the habit on May 1st during the beautiful Easter season, also the Feast of St. Joseph the Worker, and recently made first profession of vows, also on May 1st, amidst the love and strong support of our Dominican family, my own family, friends, benefactors, the Church and the whole heavenly court!
Our whole life is harmoniously ordered to the continual remembrance of God, and the eternal happiness of every soul is our maternal concern. Our Holy Father, St. Dominic so designed the Order that 'free for God alone, the nuns accompany the friars in their holy preaching for the salvation of souls.' Before entering, I did not know much about St. Dominic but now in having acquired deeper knowledge of him, I have become very grateful for his legacy, the heritage he left us of fraternal charity, the unique principle of dispensation…a built-in pressure releaser, the democratic government that is broad and joyous; with leaders having complete trust and confidence in each as individuals, allowing us space to grow and reach our full potential, and liberating us to do everything (yes, even penances!) with moderation, and in the most effective and humane way. Naturally, with every big family, community life always brings joys and challenges. Each sister brings her gifts, talents, and unique personality that make life interesting, challenging and also demanding at times. But like St. Paul, the Lord keeps assuring me 'My grace is sufficient for you,' and truly, this is our most precious possession.
Overall, my heart is overwhelmed with joy, along with immense and endless gratitude to God, as like our Blessed Mother, I constantly ponder over the marvels He has done for me. And finally! the emptiness of my life is filled with His living Word and tender love. The full daily liturgical celebration with chanting of the psalms and the Scriptural study quench my thirst. The silent time spent before the Blessed Sacrament allows me to 'rest in God as He in me.' I'm totally content with my ambitions and desires to comfort Jesus because of neglects and abuses shown him by his own creatures; to embrace the needs of the Church and each afflicted person of the whole world. All these are possible with just simple glances at our omnipotent Eucharistic King, my Spouse and Savior. One of the many great aspects of the enclosed life is that I can have personal, face-to-face encounters with our Creator throughout the day, and the amount of solitude spent with Him.
My friends ask what brings about all this happiness and I can only describe my joy through the famous words of St. Augustine…
"You have created us for Yourself, O God, and our heart is restless until it rests in You."
and those of the psalmist…
"What can bring us happiness?" many say. Let the light of Your face shine on us, O Lord."
For those who are still discerning the true vocation in life, I sincerely invite you to come and spend some time in solitude...to better hear God's voice speaking to your heart and to discover His will. Only then can you 'Taste and See the Goodness of the Lord.'